1-800-HOTMESS

Culture

IMG_8417You know that saying, “If you love someone, let them go?” Well for years I thought that meant physically, like if they wanted to move to a different country, or even mentally having to move on from someone. But yesterday, I realized that phrase most nearly means, “if you love someone, you let go of who you think they should be.” You don’t [try to] control who they are or get disappointed when they don’t meet the expectations that you’ve set for them. You kinda just let them be and love them no matter what they do. Which is why love is so hard—because it’s about lack of control. It’s you letting someone in and allowing them free range over your heart, where they can either love you back or hurt you. It’s a gamble, but I think finding that type of love is one of our greatest privileges as humans.

Young & Youthful

Culture

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Just musing over my life over the last few months. I think we let who we were previously intimidate who we are presently. I realized that I’ve had this image of myself that I think other people have too but now I realize that I’m wrong. I’ve been carrying social baggage–good and bad–from college and it’s really affected how I see myself. Like I assume people I meet now know about who I was then and am judging based on that knowledge. But really all they have is what I tell them and who I choose to be today. If they want, they could find out a lot about who I was then through social media and whatnot but they never will really know who I was because they didn’t know me then. All they have to make sense of who I am today and where I’ve come from is what I tell them. People assume you are much better and capable than you do. I don’t feel really accomplished at all but people will randomly validate something as a success when I thought it was a total, obvious, and embarrassing failure. So we are who we choose to be, and when it’s all said and done, everyone feels like they’re failing at something, doubts themselves, and compares themselves to others at some point. But we are our harshest critics really. Don’t feel down about your life. You’re where you are for a reason, so remember to live like it.

 

Frida Darling

Culture

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world
but then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do
I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there you read this and know that yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

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“I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to better.”

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“You deserve the best, the very best, because you are one of the few people in this lousy world who are honest to themselves, and that is the only thing that really counts.”

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“I wish I could do whatever I liked behind the curtain of “madness”. Then: I’d arrange flowers, all day long, I’d paint; pain, love and tenderness, I would laugh as much as I feel like at the stupidity of others, and they would all say: “Poor thing, she’s crazy!” (Above all I would laugh at my own stupidity.) I would build my world which while I lived, would be in agreement with all the worlds. The day, or the hour, or the minute that I lived would be mine and everyone else’s – my madness would not be an escape from “reality”.”

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“I don’t give a shit what the world thinks. I was born a bitch, I was born a painter, I was born fucked. But I was happy in my way. You did not understand what I am. I am love. I am pleasure, I am essence, I am an idiot, I am an alcoholic, I am tenacious. I am; simply I am … You are a shit.”

The Juiciest, Ripest, Sweetest Mango

Culture

You’re always going to be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too sensitive, too goofy, too serious, too dumb, too smart. You could be the juiciest, ripest, sweetest mango in the world, and you’ll still meet someone who just doesn’t like mangoes. And yet, if you try to round out all your edges, you’ll lose all your edge. So right now, I’m focusing on apologizing for the mistakes I make, and apologizing profusely when I unintentionally hurt someone, but I refuse to apologize for being myself. That’s nothing to be sorry about, especially if it’s because I’m too much for you. And while I’m being and doing the most, I’ll be sure to enjoy myself.

A Day in the Life (or Dating Manifesto)

Culture

The world is full of beautiful, loving, generous, compassionate, intelligent, creative and expressive people. The world is also full of evil, messy, selfish, bitter, hurtful, trifling and purposeless people. Know the difference between the two when they cross your path, and know that you don’t owe either of them any amount of love or hate. Acknowledge them and decide whether you should move on alone or take them with you (beware: meeting the first kind of person doesn’t mean the rest will be as kind, and meeting the second type of person doesn’t mean the rest will be as cruel). Luckily, you have an infinite number of soul mates that you can meet in an infinite amount of ways (you can’t bind God), and the best part is that love will never run out on you, even when it seems to run dry. This is power.

The Essence of a Queen

Culture

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It’s a difficult thing to conceptually grasp (like the particles of a perfume after they have already mixed with the air). One doesn’t just wake up a queen. Your crown has to be forged over years, hard-won victories where you have claimed your worth against all odds splattering over its’ jewels, leaving it blood-spattered and chipped and scratched and more valuable than ever.

Think about it… A queen doesn’t allow just anyone into her presence, let alone allow them to kiss her hand (the people around you must be worth). She has to hold her neck steady so her crown never slips (even on your bad days, you hold your head up). There are rules to her kingdom–break them, and you’re executed (you’re not afraid to cut people off). Her advisors never critique her, only the areas she has managed to overlook (taking advice only makes you stronger). And even after her scepter is put away in the closet, her jewels are safely locked in a vault, her crown is resting on her dresser, and her makeup and clothes have been whisked away, she is still a queen (nothing makes you a queen, except you).

Out of all of these, the hardest one is cutting people off. Everything else on the list depends on you: being malleable enough to take and adhere to good advice, maintaining your self-worth, staying in the right environment, etc. It’s crazy because we are able to make so many excuses for other people that would never fool us; and yet, there we find ourselves, lying in our beds praying that the same person won’t do the same thing to you that they just did again in the same way.

The worst part is that we believe us.

Try saying this to yourself the next time (or before the next time) someone who you know 9 times out of 10 will cause you harm (it’s always the 1 time that we fight for):

I will rise above and beyond you until I am a speck in your sky. You will try to use me to light your path like a star at night, but what you don’t understand is that I am an entire constellation. When you do catch a glimpse of me, you in your ignorance will think that you know me. In reality, you are only seeing my back as I walk further away from you.

Now tell me that ain’t what a queen would do…

Pre-Life Crisis

Culture

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It’s easy to think that you’ve already peaked once you get into your twenties, especially when you’ve done a lot in high school or college; your past usually starts to look more attractive the further you get away from it.

My struggle was not letting what I’ve already done become all that I am. There is so much more to life than those big, big moments of success. When you think about it, those moments are built over weeks, months, sometimes even years. That’s why we have to show up for every day.

It’s like how they say character is what you do when no one is watching—life is what we experience when we aren’t getting recognized for anything: how we forgive ourselves and others, treat the people who have little to no power over us, choose to have hope despite our current circumstances, etc.

The bottom line is that our lives aren’t determined by any one thing that’s already happened, good or bad. What we do today counts towards the total of who we are, regardless of who’s watching us at any given moment. 🌻

 

One Thousand Words

Culture

I am a survivor of sexual assault. It took me a decade to find the right words to describe what happened, but there they are. And I’m not ashamed, I’m not at fault, I do not carry any guilt—I’m not even a victim. I am a survivor. I took these pictures to capture my emotions, my mindsets and how I felt through the years of dealing with this experience. Many, many, many nights I have considered committing suicide, but I have decided that I have more things to live for, than to die for. 🌻 And you do, too. If your gut is telling you to reach out to someone, then reach them. And if someone finally reaches out to you, then be reachable. We can get through this life fine, we just have to do it together. 💞

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Two-Way Journaling

Culture
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I want to share something that has totally turned my life around–and it’s called “Two-Way Journaling.”
Now, for there to be something like two-way journaling, there has to be something like one-way journaling. One-way journaling is the way that most people journal; basically, they write to themselves in order to vent or gossip or talk about their feelings, and they stop when they’ve had enough (think: Mean Girls’ Burn Book).
Two-way journaling, on the other hand, is totally different. It’s a journal conversation that you have with God.
There are five steps to this process, all of which are simple and easy, only requiring a pinch of time, two scoops of attention, and five drops of imagination.
1. See yourself in your favorite place. Whether its the closet in your childhood bedroom, the Santa Monica beach or the patch of grass behind your grandma’s house, the place that you imagine should be somewhere that you feel utterly at home and safe. When I personally do this exercise, I see myself reclining in an orange hammock that overlooks a field filled with short grass and fireflies. I’m in a clearing surrounded by tall pine trees, and it’s night time, so all of the stars are out and the sky is indigo. The landscape is so peaceful that even describing it feels like taking a fresh breath of air.
2. Visualize Jesus there, with you. In my mind’s eye, He’s in His late twenties, wearing a teal v-neck shirt and dark wash, boot cut jeans. His hands are behind His head, so that His elbows are pointed to the sky, and He’s extremely tranquil. For some people who two-way journal, they never see anyone, but strongly feel the presence of God. For others, He’s standing in front of them, wearing flowing robes. Regardless of what your Jesus looks like, just remember that it’s not about who you visualize, but the relationship that you visualize.
3. Imagine what you guys are doing together. When I do this exercise, and Jesus and I are lying in the hammock, whispering and giggling; we’re in cahoots. A few of the girls in my Bible study have said that they’re playing games or laughing hysterically with God. Others have reported that their tone is more serious, or that they spend their time just staring into Jesus’ eyes. Whatever activity that you chose, make sure that it’s one that brings you joy.
4. Ask Him a question*. Now that you can clearly see who you’re talking to, where you are, and how you interact with Him (or Her) begin a conversation. Ask anything from “What is your favorite thing about me,” to “What was I created to do on this earth,” to “Why didn’t you answer my prayer last year,” to “How much do you love me?” The loving environment that you have spent time creating in steps 1, 2, and 3 have created the perfect place to meet God one-on-one.

 

*This is where the journaling portion of “two-way journaling” occurs. Be sure to write down your question, and immediately write down the response that you hear whispered in your ear. Do your best not to edit or question what you’ve written down until you are totally done with step 4 and onto step 5.
5. Check your work. This is the most important step in the process–to read what you wrote down after your done with step 4, and see if it lines up with scripture. Check the Word of God, which explains His character, and see if what’s on your paper lines up with who He is in the bible. If you’re unsure, ask someone that has a strong connection with God to read your journal, and ask what they think.
Oftentimes, I have been shocked by God’s response to my questions. Either he didn’t answer it the way I thought He would (the way I wanted Him to), or He pointed something out to me in my life that I was totally oblivious to!

 

Also, beware! Not only is this Being that you’re about to encounter in utter love with you, but He also has been waiting for this moment–one where you are fully open and listening to Him–for your entire life. He probably wont say what you think He will, or go in the direction that you want Him too–but that’s what makes this process so beautiful!

 

The Myers-Briggs 10 Second Test

Culture
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Now that you’ve bossed-up and gone to skill level 9 on Myers-Briggs testing, you can easily eyeball someone’s personality type in ten seconds or less by giving them a quick, mental assessment.

 

The two out side letters of your Myers-Briggs test (ex: E _ _ P) tell how someone sees and acts in their outside, or external, world. These will be the two easiest letters to place first because these actions are readily visible.

 

The middle letters are more complex because they deal with the persons’ internal world. For this part, you will have to know the person better than just as a casual acquaintance, because it requires you to analyze how they think.

 

1. The quickest question to answer first is whether the person that you’re typing is an Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E). You can easily tell this by how they act at a party or around a large group of people. And, BAM! Immediately you went from having 16 options to only having 8.

 

2. The second question that’s is whether they’re planners (J) or dreamers (P). If your not sure, ask yourself how this person handles assignments, homework, or planning a trip. If they have a list for everything, they’re probably a (J); if they’re 9 times out of 10 a hot mess, probably a (P).

 

3. The third part is asking whether they rely on concrete information, such as things they can actually touch and see, to make decisions (S) or if they use their imaginations and future projections (N) to make a choice for today.

 

4. Lastly, ask yourself whether they are more likely to use facts, data and analysis to thinking through a decision (T), or are more likely to use their gut to do so (F).

 

And Wha-la! An entire personality test that normally takes ten minutes is done in ten seconds.

 

Go forth, and blow the minds of your friends to pieces.